………….but that doesn’t mean we have to be alone.
The states of being alone and feeling alone ebb and flow like the tides, but if there is one thing that is huge in my life at the moment, for the reasons I shall explain below, is that we are all alone and that our decisions are burdens (or joys) for us to bear – alone but that doesn’t mean we are actually alone.
Oh dear, this sounds very complicated. Forgive me.
I always feel alone, but that is a state of being I designed for myself from a very early age. My father called me Greta Garbo and he mocked me lovingly for being like her, in her ‘I want to be alone’ state of being.
But I am not alone. I have three very important people in my life, people I would do anything for, absolutely anything. I would go to the ends of the earth for them and give them my last crumb if they were starving, my last tenner if I had nothing and they had nothing. This means I am not alone, but I still feel alone.
Those three people I care about more than anything are soldiering on, but they feel alone – I know it from the things they say to me, but they are not alone. They have me.
they don’t want to acknowledge that fact, and I suppose it’s important for their sense of self that they find their own way down their own path.
They are alone in the general sense of the word, because they are carving out their lives for themselves, but in an existential sense they are not alone, they have family support.
My feeling of aloneness comes from the fact too that I feel I have not much in common with others. I care nothing for the things others in the world care for. This sounds arrogant but it is not meant to be. I don’t care about possessions or ambition or ego or being one-up on another. I care nothing for excessive consumption or ‘stuff’ or shouting the loudest or being the best. I will leave that prickly way of being to others.
We all make our own paths and our paths change. We’re alone but we’re not alone.